You are ALREADY Incredibly Lucky

"Every living thing is, from the cosmic perspective, incredibly lucky simply to be alive. Most, 90 percent and more, of all the organisms that have ever lived have died without viable offspring, but not a single one of your ancestors, going back to the dawn of life on Earth, suffered that normal misfortune. You spring from an unbroken line of winners going back millions of generations, and those winners were, in every generation, the luckiest of the lucky, one out of a thousand or even a million. So however unlucky you may be on some occasion today, your presence on the planet testifies to the role luck has played in your past." Daniel Dennett

A few years ago I was very interested in finding out more about my family history. My middle name is Ernest and my mom had told me the middle name came from Ernie Pyle, the war correspondent. I was curious to find out if we were related somehow. 

I also lived in Delware for awhile when I was going to grad school for acting at The Professional Theatre Training Program (PTTP) at the University of Delaware. Howard Pyle was a famous illustrator of children's books who had lived in Delaware. I was curious to find out if we were related as well. 

Growing up, everyone had always laughed at the last name Pyle and then called me Gomer, after Gomer Pyle, USMC, the television show that was a spin off of The Andy Griffin Show. I was never curious to find out if we were related, because the character of Gomer was a bumbling idiot who always did the right thing and I already felt like that most of the time growing up and didn't like when people called me that. (I still watched the show, however, and secretly liked the fact that my last name, at least, was on t.v.) In fact, one time on the bus I even punched an older, bigger kid in the head once when he wouldn't stop calling me Gomer after I asked him to many, many times. He stopped. But others still thought it was hilarious to call me Gomer and say, "Well, go-o-o-llee" to me. This was Pyle's catch phrase on the show.

So, anyway, I had always assumed that we were somehow related to the English Pyle family that could trace their family tree to Howard Pyle, the famous illustrator from Delaware. I had always assumed that because I really wanted it to be true. We had spent a lot of time living fairly close to Delaware after all and I loved art and drawing and painting, and so, we MUST somehow be related.

Then the internet got invented. (More on that in future posts.) I started doing research online and trying to dig up information about my family's history. As I do this, I find out that our original last name is not Pyle at all, but Pfeil (Arrow) in German and that we come from a line of Mennonite families who came to the U.S. to pursue religious freedom.

In a funny twist, growing up, my first real girlfriend (kisses, gifts, heartbreak) was a Mennonite girl from the same area that my original ancestor, Hienrich Pfeil, lived. Not only that, but I found out that most of my relatives were buried in a disused Mennonite Church graveyard that had been turned into a Historical Society.

I packed up the car one winter and headed to my Dad's. He lives not too far from the cemetery and I made my way out there. I passed that old elementary school where I had first fallen in love with and fought other boys over my Mennonite girlfriend with long blonde hair, glasses and a traditional hairnet, where my second grade teacher, who was also Mennonite, let me drive a horse and buggy one day in the rain when she and her beau were "sparking", where I played kickball on muggy spring afternoons not 300 yards from the bones of my ancestors, who I had no idea were buried there.

As I climbed the rocky hill just covered over with frost and searched those crumbling headstones for clues to my past, I made a few discoveries that led me to write about it in this post.

The first thing I discovered is that my family members had changed the way their name was spelled almost immediately upon arriving here. They CREATED a new identity for themselves as Americans by changing the old German spelling from Pfeil to Piel then to Pile and eventually settled on Pyle. On each generation's gravestones the name was spelled slightly differently even between husbands and wives and siblings. They were literally making a name for themselves in this new place. They were creating a new identity that seemed to fit what they were trying to accomplish.

The other discovery, and the one that directly relates to me being one of the lucky ones, happened as I moved from graves from the 1700's closer to the present day.

I found the parents of my great grandfater, Arthur Wilson Pyle, buried there. Around them were three tiny gravestones marking the death of a beloved child, each only a few years old, dated around the time of the great flu epidemics of the early part of the last century. My great grandfather was the only child to survive. He is not buried in this cemetery because he survived. He's buried in another cemetery where the Pyle's now lay peacefully on a hill. A hill where my mother is also laid to rest.

Just like the quote above, if Arthur Wilson had succumbed to the flu like his siblings, I wouldn't be here today in this form writing this blog post at 1 a.m. and feeling damn lucky to be doing so.

I AM one of the lucky ones. He was, too. He passed on his genes and drive and creating-a-name-for-himself-iveness that I carry with me and have hopefully passed on in some way to my three sons.

YOU are lucky, too, if you are reading this because your ancestors have passed on similar qualities to you that have allowed you to be here, even for this brief span of time. Feeling lucky like this is important, I think, because it gives another reason to express that luck in some way creatively.

Be lucky, YOU, LLC'ers. Follow the practices. Get out there and create instead of consuming all the time. Think of it as a way honoring those who have come before you and who were just as lucky themselves. Share your luck with the world.

How to be the Luckiest Person Alive

Tivoli Bays (a lucky place) photo by Wayne Pyle

The title of today's post comes from James Altucher's blog post about How to Be the Luckiest Guy on the Planet in 4 Easy Steps. There's a link to his original post at the bottom of this one.

He recommends 4 practices: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual

He says that when he practices these daily, he ends up being the luckiest guy alive and when he lets these practices go, he ends up in the downward spiral that I seem to find myself in right now.

So, I'm taking on Jimmy's ideas and I'll explore them here and post about how they are going for me.

I started today with the physical.

Let me preface this by saying that we lost our house a few months ago and it was quite difficult emotionally, financially, physically and mentally, but it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I'm not a big believer in home ownership. To me it's a really expensive box to put all of your crap in. George Carlin said that first, I believe, and I've always took it to heart. Do we really need to go in debt to the banks in order to say I "own" a home?

I don't think it's necessary.

Anyway, we lost our tiny overpriced box and had to move north of where we were living to a tiny village called Tivoli. It's a quirky place with Bard students and famous artists and blue collar workers and has a fabulous bakery and some really great restaurants, a small public library and the place where I'm writing this from - Tivoli Bays. (pictured above)

We still have not been able to get rid of the tiny overpriced box and now the neighborhood kids have been trying to steal things out of the shed that is still on the property. So I went there last night and emptied the shed, grabbed our bikes, garden tools, an artist's easel and came home.

Today, I rode that bike for the first time in more than a year. The chain slips, the gears don't work right, the thing weighs a ton, but I was able to move through space and get out of the house and it felt good and right to do that. The photo I took is a result of that ride.

I'm sitting on a dock right now typing this, instead of being in the house we are sharing with a friend, and the loons are calling and the trains are blowing their whistles and the wind is rushing through the marsh grass and I do, indeed feel lucky.

The mental aspect of James' practice is about making lists and coming up with ideas and I've been putting that into practice as well. I teach a screenwriting class at a local community college and the thing that seems to be the most difficult for some of them is coming up with ideas. James' recommendation is to make lists of ideas until your brain hurts. I made a few today, ideas for screenplays, ways to make more money with less frustrating work, book ideas, ideas for leading a more creative, nurturing, uplifting and fulfilling life. His theory, as I understand it, is that by making these lists, our brains have to fulfill some of them at some point. We get a brain itch and our bodies have to scratch it!

Emotionally, James recommends letting go of negative people in your life. One of the things I've done recently is purge negative people from my Facebook page. At first it felt scary because I genuinely like people, even the negative ones. But after I pushed that button that said "unfriend" and "block" I felt relief. I don't really use Facebook that much anymore anyway. I find it to be a giant bathroom wall with graffiti scribbled on it, "Like me", "I eat spinach", "My girlfriend dumped me", "Look how cute I am", "Come and play with me" and it's mentally exhausting. 

I do like seeing friends' photos, but I've realized that I have not really seen any of my friends face-to-face in a really long time and I want to start to change that. When I'm with friends and we are just hanging out, talking about life, laughing, playing, I feel like I've been plugged into a phone charger and my green battery signal is going up and up and up. Right now, I really only spend time with people if I'm working with them. I work and work and work and then when I get home I work some more. 

As Jack Nicholson's character in THE SHINING says, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Probably an unlucky one, too.

The final practice is spiritual. I'm not religious. But, like James, I do find that reading books by spiritual leaders, practicing meditation, doing yoga, being in nature are all very spiritual things that make me feel more connected to the world. I've also found some great apps like Omvana that allow you to create and play guided meditations and that leads to a spiritual practice in a different way. I'm not connected to Omvana in any way, I just really like their app. Let me know if you try it and what you think.

Sitting out here on this dock on the bay and listening to the world existing around me is a spiritual experience and I do feel lucky to be here.

Here's the link to James' original post:

http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2011/02/how-to-be-the-luckiest-guy-on-the-planet-in-4-easy-steps/

Be lucky!

You can follow me on Twitter @waynepyle and follow James @jaltucher or buy his book How to Be the Luckiest Person Alive by clicking the link below. (As an Amazon associate, I get some pennies just to say, "Look, pennies." Thank you!)

                                                                      

How to be More Creative NOW

First, a quick quiz to see if you're creative. Follow the instructions carefully!

1. Put the pointer and middle fingers of your right hand on the underside of your left wrist right under the pad of the thumb. Do you feel your pulse? If you're not sure, try question two.
2. Place your right hand over your heart (located on the left side of your body). Do you feel your heart beating? Still not sure? Proceed to question three.
3. Place your left hand in front of your mouth and nose. Breathe. Do you feel air hitting your hand?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, congratulations! You ARE creative because you are still alive. You may not feel creative or be as creative as you'd like to be but we'll address that in a second.

If you answered "no" to any of the above, please stop reading this blog and seek medical attention immediately.

 
A lot of us don't feel creative because we have this mistaken idea that creativity means pursuing some kind of arts related activity. Even though the arts can definitely improve your creative thinking you don't have to be a writer, artist or musician to be creative.

Some of us have this expectation that our creativity has to somehow match or exceed someone we hold as our creative "ideal". Some us worry that we took a few minutes out our day one time a few years ago to be creative and we never finished the creative task we started, so we must somehow be flawed because creativity didn't come to us instantly. Some us are afraid that making room for creativity in our lives will somehow disappoint us. Some of us are just plain afraid.

Here are few simple exercises to be more creative NOW:

Don't forget to BREATHE. 

What happens when we don't breathe? We die. 

The same thing happens when we pursue a creative endeavor and we don't breathe deeply because of fear or anxiety. Shallow breaths cause us to starve our brains of oxygen and send more to our limbs so that we can take flight or stand and fight. 

When you are doing something creative you might want to have your brain working at full power. So remember to take deep breaths as you work. Resist the urge to run away and breathe through it. You'll find that you'll be able to complete your task more easily if you bring your attention back to your breath every now and then. 

Right NOW inhale deeply and hold your breath for three seconds. Now exhale and as you do, let your shoulders drop just a little bit lower that they were before. Instant relaxation that you CREATED. See, you are already a little more creative just by creating relaxation.

Practice VISUALIZATION. Do this right now. Look around the room you are in. Pick something that is in the room with you right now: a chair, your child, the meal you are eating. Breathe deeply and exhale. 

After reading the instructions, close your eyes. With your eyes closed, try to see what you picked in three different ways. 

Could the chair be a different color, a different size, a different design? Could your child be dressed differently, have longer or shorter hair, be taller, older, shorter, younger? Could your meal be larger, smaller, a different color? 

Now think of a way that you could interact differently with the object you picked. Could you use the chair in different ways, other than sitting? Could your child be doing some other activity that could enhance their creativity? Could your meal be created some other way? (Like this 3D printed pizza?) 

Now see your chosen object in a different setting. Put the chair on the moon, in an igloo or a beer hall. See your child at the zoo, on a train, at the beach. See your meal at a fancy restaurant or a French cafe. 

Now have that object offer up a unique perspective. Maybe the chair can give you an idea for a new blog. Maybe your child might tell you about an idea for a class you could teach. Maybe your meal helps you invent a 3D printer for pizza. (Oh, that's already been done!) 

If you were able to do this exercise easily, you are definitely creative. If not you may need a bit more practice or you may just be resisting the exercise. I teach my actors in my acting classes that whatever we resist, persists. When you realize you are resisting and accept it, a lot of times the resistance will disappear! Try it. You might be amazed.

If your resistance is being caused by negative self-talk try this: Get out a pad or paper and some pens or pencils or crayons and draw what your negative voice looks like. Give him or her or it a lot of detail. Now draw your idea of a pure creative spirit, the one you'd like to have. If you like, draw a scene where that character defeats the negative voice with pure creativity. Sometimes picturing what the negative voices look like takes some of their power away. Some people crumple up the negative voice drawings and throw them out, burn them ceremoniously or turn them into something useful. Discover for yourself what works best for you. 

You might find that you found enjoyment in the doing of some of these exercises. Finding the joy in the process of creativity is one of the strongest motivators for becoming more creative. I highly recommend it! Keep LLC'ing everyone...

 

Creative Sparks at Midnight

The SPARKS of creativity

I'd like to share my campfire with you this evening. I would also like to encourage all of you to take some time, create a fire, sit back and stare into the dancing flames. (If you don't have access to a backyard or campfire, fire one up on your computer on YouTube or use Netflix, it's almost as good.)

As you sit by those dancing flames, something may just spark in your imagination. Write it down, or text yourself, or type it into your laptop and then let it go. Check on it the next day or the next week and see if it leads you anywhere. Then let me know how it goes!

As I sit here warming my toes, (and trying to keep the fire from going out) the thoughts that came to mind tonight were about what a great day of LLC (Living Life Creatively) I had today.

I finished my grades for one of the colleges and turned them in. I worked on my lines for FULLY COMMITTED which I'll be performing in very soon in Binghamton, NY (more on that later). I called one of the playwrights for the 10 Minute Play Festival with the Half Moon Theatre Company which is coming up this weekend and cleared some things up about the script. I got called in and auditioned for a feature film that is shooting in the Hudson Valley in a few weeks and I went to a tech rehearsal for the 10 Minute Play Festival where we set sound levels and blocked entrances and exits. Whew!

The audition for the feature was one of my favorite kinds of auditions (remember audition means to hear). You come in and talk to the director and producer. They get to know you, ask a few questions, you tell them what you've done and where you're from and then you leave. I love meeting filmmakers and creative people and I almost always enjoy talking with them, even if I don't "get the part". I've realized from my many years of doing this that worrying about an audition after you've done it makes the process not really worth it. What's the fun of auditioning for two minutes and then worrying for a week? (toxic thoughts...dump them!)

I try as much as I humanly can to focus on making a connection to the people and to the work and then moving on to the next project. Joy has come back into my life as a result of pursuing this way of working and I highly recommend it.

After the audition, I went to the tech rehearsal. We worked for hours, for free, to try to get the sound and light cues and entrances and exits just right. Why? Because it matters. Beginnings and endings matter. Making great theatre means making strong choices.

We were all engaged fully and when that happens there is an energy in the room that can be felt and used. We didn't get everything perfect, but we got to where we needed to be to give our audience a chance to get something from each of the 10 minute plays by our brilliant playwrights.

At the end of the night, I checked the old iPhone and received a lovely email from one of my students who had done an NPR type of profile piece on me for her Radio Journalism class this past semester. I think it turned out quite well and I'm going to post the link to it here.

She did a really nice job of reporting and letting what happened in class and during our interviews shape the piece. The ending is a funny "staged" bit that she came up with and we improvised around. If you have a few minutes, take a listen. Just click on the Soundcloud image and it'll take you there.

Click this icon, then press PLAY

Have a very creative night around your own campfires. Toast some marshmallows, drink some wine, play the guitar (or didgeridioo, like me). Enjoy Living Life Creatively!

Dumping Toxic Waste is Good

James Altucher recently posted a blog about the loveliness of his migraines and how they were a warning that his thoughts were toxic. (Full post here: LINK)

I recently had a similar experience and wanted to share how it changed my toxic thinking as well.

Just a few weeks ago, the negative mental energy was starting to build. I had recently applied for a full time position at a certain community college for an opening in their Theatre program there. I had been working there as an adjunct for the past three years, mostly in the Communications program, but my degree is in acting and I've been a professional theatre artist for more than 30 years now. I'm thankful for the break that the Communications program gave me to start my teaching career, but I'm really a theatre artist. It's where my strengths are. I'm not sure why the Chair of the Theatre program is uninterested in my work in theatre, but we'll get to that in a moment.

Where my toxic thinking started to affect me was when I decided to apply for that full time position. I wasn't remotely interested in working there full time because of the way the Chair of the Department treats people and (in my opinion) his terrible ideas, attitudes and educational methods. The reason I was applying for the job was because, well, I NEEDED THE MONEY.

As an adjunct teaching in today's higher education system, you get paid one fifth of what your colleagues who are full time get paid. You have to work at many different schools, work other jobs, continue to try to keep up your professional work and try to find some time to spend with your family and (rarely) friends and colleagues. We all have terminal degrees but are making just over poverty level wages. Many adjuncts I know are struggling, really struggling, to pay their bills while working as much as they can in higher education.

When the position opened up I was encouraged by one of my colleagues to apply for the position, but I resisted, knowing that the Chair was not interested in what I had to offer. I had applied for two other positions in the past, both times being turned down for ridiculous reasons. I am highly qualified to teach my subject and all of my student evaluations and the performance of my students in my classes reflect that.

This person, for whatever small and petty reasons he might come up with, does not want to work with me. I know this and I usually say, "Hey, I get it. I'll move on." But this supposed friend and colleague encouraged me to apply anyway. So, I screwed my courage to the sticking place and decided even if I didn't want the job, I'd do my best to get it and then decide later if I actually wanted to take on the position. So I prepared. I smiled. I put together the best interview presentation I could. My family needed me to get this job, so I'd give it my best shot and forget about all the rejections so far.

Day of my interview, my supposed friend shows up 10 minutes late to my interview and sits and frowns the whole time I'm doing my presentation, then refuses to participate in an acting exercise I've used in my classes that has always been very successful!

I was livid.

When I later asked why the person was behaving that way she replied, "I was trying to send you signals that it wasn't going very well." She then told me how terrible the presentation was and how I went over the ten minute time limit, ruining my chances at getting the job.

WHAT?!?!?

The presentation I did was based on a similar presentation at another college that was responsible for enrolling 10 more students into their theatre program. The exercise I did is often cited by students as one of the main reasons they felt comfortable in my classes. What she said makes no sense unless someone already comes in with an attitude that they are not going to like whatever it is that I do.  Besides, I thought she was there for SUPPORT and ENCOURAGEMENT. Boy, was I wrong.

Needless to say, they hired a PhD from outside the state for the job, instead of promoting someone in their community who knows and relates very well to the students. They also told my students that I didn't have the job before they told me. The Chair never contacted me at all and still hasn't.

Anyway...I didn't really want the job, but...I had let all of this negative energy build up (and I needed the money because of the terrible pay of adjuncts) and as I did, I started having these really weird symptoms of extreme pain in the right side of my face, extreme fatigue, shoulder pain, strange migraines with auras and horizontal lines going across my vision, I started to forget the names of things and people, very weird neurological symptoms. So I hit the Google search button with my symptoms and started to worry. Did I have MS? Cancer? Lyme disease? Insanity? Early Alzheimers?

I made an appointment at a neurologist. She did some tests, some bloodwork, I had an MRI. Nothing was wrong with me! Medically. But after reading James' post, I am starting to think that it's the TOXIC THINKING that started to bring me down. When I asked the neurologist what causes migraines. She said, "We don't know. Incorrect chemicals get turned on in the brain. We don't know why." I said, "That's very interesting." TOXIC THINKING TURNS INTO TOXIC CHEMICALS IN THE BRAIN!!!

Those negative thoughts about why so-and-so betrayed me and why such-and-such doesn't like me and why can't I get a full-time position and I-suck-at-everything kinds of thought were having an actual, physical and neurological effect on my body. Applying for a job that I didn't really want because I needed the money and then being upset because I didn't get it...was toxic thinking. Thinking that it mattered somehow in the grand scheme of things what my friend and those people thought about my presentation was toxic thinking and it was making me sick.

Needless to say, I dropped those thoughts. Until just now. And I have to tell you something amazing. As I was writing this, the migraine symptoms started to come back for a second. The top of the computer screen started turning gray and it wasn't the computer, it was an aura, and my head started aching really badly. TOXIC THOUGHTS!!!

As I got down to this section, no lie, it disappeared. And here's the good news. After dumping the toxic thinking and making the decision not to engage with negativity or those negative people any more, my symptoms completely cleared up.

Not only that, but I've been struggling with my blood pressure for hmmmm THREE YEARS (notice that is the same amount of time I've been working at said toxic community college?) and I've been on Bystolic, a beta blocker, for the past two years. My blood pressure was consistenly at 130 over 90 something for several years. Well, after dumping the toxic thinking, dumping the beta blocker and dumping the community college, I went out and bought my first pair of running shoes in 10 years.

Now, I'm not back in the full swing of running again, but I've been running for about two or three weeks off and on, and when I went for my follow-up neurology appointment, my blood pressure, WITHOUT the beta blocker was 120 over 72! No lie. Amazing what dumping toxic thoughts, people and attitudes will do.

And here's the REAL KICKER. Not long after doing all this toxic dumping, I get called into the office of a real friend and real colleague at a four year institution of higher learning that graduates many more professional theatre artists than the community college I've been working for.

I was worried, toxic thoughts started to creep into my brain pan, but I breathed and let them go.

"We've got a temporary, full-time position for you next year, " he said. "If it were up to me, I'd bring you on full time right away." Sure, it's only temporary, but I'll be taking on a lot more responsibility and filling in for some people who are leaving or retiring. It'll be full time and I'll be getting paid enough to not have to go back to the toxic energy of that other place. I can focus on working for one school and one group of students. Dumping the toxic thinking led to what I wanted in the first place, a job with people who are supportive and who are making great theatre and training the next generation of theatre makers.

I highly encourage all of you to see where you are storing your toxic thoughts and dump them right now! Welcome those migraines with their beautiful auras and horizontal gray shadings and lightning pains shooting up the sides of your faces. They are a message from your beautiful brain, "Stop this toxic thinking and dump whatever it is that is causing it or I will put you through hell until you do!"

Live Life Creatively, folks!
Until next time...

On Watching my Own Movies

Wayne Pyle in Peace, Love and Misunderstanding on SHOWTIME

Last night, I finally caught Peace, Love and Misunderstanding, a film I worked on a few years ago with Catherine Keener, Kyle MacLachlan, Jane Fonda and Elizabeth Olsen in one of her first film roles.

The funny thing about this film is the way I ended up getting bumped up in pay from "background" to supporting because of the encouragement of Catherine Keener. I was cast as a party guest for the opening scene of the film and we shot it up here in the Hudson Valley with a contemporary home in the woods standing in for a mid-town pied-a-terre.

Director Bruce Beresford and I had a great meeting when I came in to audition and we chatted for about 20 minutes about life and Australia and acting and at the end of the meeting I read a few lines and then he said he wanted me to be in the movie, he just wasn't sure what he wanted me to do.

I showed up on set and got dressed and by the time we got called to the set, I was starving. It was a dinner party scene and the food they were using was quite good. I had no lines, so I just started tucking in, thinking, my character is the guy who just eats food while everyone else is having brilliant and witty conversations.

As we started shooting, the discussion around the table was supposed to be about plays in New York and how Eugene O'Neill's plays were long, boring, and no longer relevant. All of the extras nodded in agreement and Catherine thought the scene sounded false so she said, "Oh, come on, someone should disagree." I piped up and said, "I've got something."
Catherine looked at me and nodded. The scene started Again and when everyone started complaining about Eugene's plays, I put down my fork and said, "Oh, come on, the guy has like eight Pulitzers or something." Kyle McLachlan stared and didn't know what to say because his next line didn't quite respond to that, so Bruce told me to wait until after Kyle said his line. We did several more takes and after being scolded by the props person for eating too much of the dinner, Catherine turned to me and said, "That's how you get ahead in this business." It was a pretty awesome moment in my filmmaking career and a part of LLC for me.

Another Shot

As the semester winds down, my thoughts turn to summer and the prospect of acting work.

As you know, last summer I played 40 roles in Becky Mode's one person show, FULLY COMMITTED, at Shadowland Theatre. I was terrified. But I faced the fear, jumped onstage and made it through the summer, relatively unscathed.

A few weeks ago I got a call from Brendan Burke, the artistic director or Shadowland, saying that there was a possibility of remounting the show in Binghamton, NY.

We went up there to meet the artistic director and I launched into a few of the lines, which surprisingly, I still remembered. But the the old fear crept in and I went up on my lines and stopped.

The director was interested and worked out a deal with Brendan so that we'll put the show up in June and July.

And now, I need to prepare for another battle. The show is a monster of memorization and I'm starting to work on each section now so that I am not gripped by such terror when I'm standing at the top of those stairs waiting to enter.

I want to be in a place where I have excitement and anticipation about how the audience is going to react rather than a heart-pounding, brain wrenching feeling that I may get completely lost at any moment.

I will probably still use my cheat sheets, but I'm hoping that they will be there just for emergencies. I work a little more each day, getting clearer, trying new character choices, deciding where beats need to land.

This is the work. This is the joy. This is the life...LLC!

Face the Fear

Wayne Pyle as Sam (and 40 others) in FULLY COMMITTED at Shadowland Theatre, Ellenville, NY.

This has been a particularly productive time in my actor's life. I played Franklin in Liza Johnson's film RETURN, starring Linda Cardellini and Michael Shannon, ended up in the trailer and it opened in some great theaters and had great reviews and lots of press across the country. I directed BRIGHTON BEACH MEMOIRS at SUNY Dutchess. I just finished working on Eddie Mullins' new film, DOOMSDAYS, with Heidi. I'm prepping right now to perform in Becky Mode's one-person comedy FULLY COMMITTED at Shadowland Theatre in Ellenville, NY. I'm directing staged readings of two ten-minute plays for Half Moon Theatre Company in Poughkeepsie, acting in another, preparing two other readings for another Half Moon event, recording voiceover work for clients and working on my own scripts as well as finishing up one semester of teaching and trying to prepare for another at SUNY New Paltz.

Let's talk about the summer today. I've been working on Becky Mode's FULLY COMMITTED for a few weeks now, trying to get the 40 different characters I have to portray to play nice with each other and working on a few pages each day to get a vague idea of what each character wants, how they might sound, what physicality they might embody and what else I might have to do to fully commit to this whirlwind of a comedy. Each day brings new insights and new challenges and I'm looking forward to working with my director, Brendan Burke, to really get the play up on its feet and try to figure out to make this farce fly.

At almost 90 intermissionless minutes, the memorization task seems enormously daunting right now, but I know with steady work and concentration I'll soon have the whole story in my mind and be ready to explore these people and situations out there on the stage instead of in my cramped living room. This is the first time I'm taking on such a huge actor's task and looking at what I still have to accomplish, I would say that the emotion I'm mostly feeling is...SCARED.

I think it's healthy to be scared of certain things like heights, snakes, weird looking plants, some people, daunting acting challenges, because it's our body's way of telling us, “Proceed with caution. Harm could be done.” Even though it can be extremely painful at times, I do like to do things that scare me, that take me out of my normal comfort zone, because I know that in the past when I've “faced the fear” and done it anyway, I've always grown as a person and an actor. I've definitely gotten a few bumps and bruises and cuts and scrapes here and there, but what an adventure I've had in the process.

Usually when I feel that fear coming on, about memorization, auditioning, a role that I'm not sure I'm cut out for, I try to focus on the work process and see where it leads me, rather than focusing on the outcome that hasn't occurred yet. By focusing on what I'm doing now, how I'm doing it, and why it is being done, I become more present and that chattering voice that says things like, “You'll never get those lines memorized, you're not really very good at this, don't try THAT, that will never work,” starts to get quieter. If I don't do that, that little voice gets very, very LOUD.

By engaging in the struggle, feeling the feelings of unworthiness or inauthenticity or stupidity or whatever else might come up and acknowledging that those feelings are there, I find that they dissipate much more quickly than when I try to resist them and pretend they don't exist. By acknowledging the fear and focusing on the process, I'm often left tired, but with a great feeling of having done something worthwhile just because I did it despite being afraid that I might fail.

What are some things you've done that you've been afraid of but were later really glad you did them? I'd love to hear from you.

Gotta go memorize some lines, but I'll leave you with this video of my first tandem skydive at The Ranch, in Gardiner, NY. I recommend jumping out of a plane to get your mind in the present pretty darn quickly. Scared, yes, but an amazing day and an experience I won't forget.

WP

http://imdb.me/waynepyle